The Mickey Goldmill Retort

http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=6923862&version=3&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

The only school that would surprise me less would be Duke. This is the most pathetic thing Mickey has ever read. This kid is a junior and he's NEVER kissed a girl? There isn't a bar he could wander into in Atlanta at 3am and find some drunk chick to make out with? He doesn't need lessons for that, she won't know the difference and she'll probably think it's great.

The thing most unsurprising about this article?

Michael McCarty said he went to the drastic measure of placing an ad because he wanted to impress a certain girl. The special girl is a co-ed from Maryland that McCarty has been chatting online with for years and the two will be meeting soon. "I think she's my soul mate so I can't wait to see her next week," McCarty said.

The second most unsurprising?

"I guess I've been on the computer too much playing video games and not going out and meeting people as much as I'd like to," said McCarty.

Alright, Michael, you've found the solution to your own problem. Now get off your butt and get down to Buckhead or some frat party and do your thing.

I'm still bitter about watching those nerds carry a goalpost around Atlanta in 2003 after beating Auburn. 2005 wasn't much better.